Locksmith Stories and Jokes

Should Vs Reality

So, a guy walks into a locksmith shop. He says to the locksmith, “I need a copy made of my car key. It barely works and I need a new one that works better.”

The locksmith looks at him incredulously and says, “You do know, don’t you that we make a copy of whatever you give me?” I can make you a copy of your car key, but it will only work as well as the original you have given me to copy.’

The gentleman stares blankly at the locksmith and says, “No, that’s not true. The copy you make will work as well as my car key did the first day I had it.”

The locksmith, now perceiving he is dealing with a person who is not in possession of his entire mental facility says, “Sir, that would be an accurate statement if the key you were giving me was new. But, it is not.”

The gentleman then asked the locksmith, “Why can’t you make the copy better than the original?”

The locksmith decided to break it down for him a little better. “Sir, enjoined the locksmith, let’s assume that we wanted to make a copy of a document that contained misspelled letters. Do you think the copier would also correct the spelling of words while producing a copy?”

The gentleman declared, “Why, yes. I think it should.”

The locksmith, looking quite bewildered says, “Sir, herein is your lesson for the day. There is a difference between “should” and “reality.” You Sir, have not learned the difference in these two things and I must ask you to leave my shop until you can understand the difference!”

The Lawyer’s Lockout

A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.

“I locked my keys in my sports car!” said the nervous lawyer.

“No problem, I should be there in about an hour,” replied the locksmith.

“Do you think you can make it a little sooner?” pleaded the lawyer. “My top is down and its starting to rain.”

Wisdom Can Be Expensive

A fine antique collector purchased an old safe at auction. The anticipation of what might be inside was causing general distraction, so he decided to get a locksmith to unlock it.

The locksmith arrived and using every bit of knowledge, skill and tools at his disposal was not able to unlock the safe. The collector paid him his trip fee of 35 pounds and sent him on his way.

Still urgently wanting to see if anything was inside the safe and dreaming of great wealth, the collector contacted a locksmith who had been in business five decades.

An older man with gray hair and wrinkled face showed up. He takes a look at the safe noting the make, model and year. Then, he goes to his truck and returns with a drill, a ruler and a bent piece of metal. He measures around the lock and marks an “x” at exactly the spot he would drill.

After drilling for a solid hour the old locksmith sticks the bent piece of metal through the hole and with no fanfare a small “click” is heard. He turns the handle on the safe and the door opens! To the collectors great dismay, nothing was found inside the safe.

Disappointed but knowing the old locksmith had done his job, the collector asked what the charge would be. The locksmith declares the sum expected would be 120 pounds. In response, the collector asks him to produce an itemized bill showing the charges.

The elderly locksmith then hands him an itemized bill with the following written:

• 20 pounds for hole drilling
• 100 pounds for knowing where to drill.

A Blonde’s Flying Lesson

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: “This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.”

“O.K.” says the voice from the tower. “Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ..”

Locked Up!

Judge: Tell me your occupation.

Prisoner: I’m a locksmith, Your Honour.

Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you?

Prisoner: Making a bolt for the door!

A Few More One-Liners

• Who are you and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith. LOL!
• What do you call a locksmith with a lisp? Keith.
• Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world’s locksmiths? Because in Japan they are rocksmiths. HeHe!
• A locksmith is a key employee. HaHa!
• Pick-up line for locksmith’s: “Hello lass, is your name Ness? Cause, I’m lovin’ you a loch.”

Well, here’s hoping you didn’t have too many groans and a few laughs while reading this. We also know that getting locked out or needing a key duplicated or opening your house is not a laughing matter. If you find yourself in a less than humorous situation, give us a call at 02895 320646